i can't believe i had my finger in that
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
