My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
