I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
