Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
