If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
