I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
