and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
