somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
the condom got lost in my hair
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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