i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
