and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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