I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
