Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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