in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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