Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
