You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
