I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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