I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
