I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
