I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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