i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
