I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
