Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
