I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
