that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize