Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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