I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
