Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
