so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
