Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
