apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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