Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
