WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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