Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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