I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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