I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
