i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
