Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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