In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
