You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
