I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
