i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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