my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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