I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
As shirtless as possible
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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