This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
