Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He passed out mid-signature
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
