No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
