so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
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