just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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