Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Sext me about skeletons
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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