If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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