and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
