Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
