Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
