oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
