cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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